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You must be a registered user to use the IMDb rating plugin. Show HTML View more styles. Photos Add Image Add an image Do you have any images for this title? Edit Cast Episode credited cast: Kevin James Doug Heffernan Leah Remini Carrie Heffernan Victor Williams Deacon Palmer Patton Oswalt Spence Olchin Gary Valentine Danny Heffernan credit only Nicole Sullivan Holly Shumpert Jerry Stiller Arthur Spooner credit only Janeane Garofalo Trish Scott Atkinson Brett Rest of cast listed alphabetically: Lou Ferrigno Lou Ferrigno Trish Simmons Salesperson See full cast.
Edit Storyline Carrie has talked Doug into going to an art gallery. Genres: Comedy. Parents Guide: Add content advisory for parents. Edit Did You Know? Trivia Patton Oswalt and Janeane Garofalo would later go on to star in the Pixar film, "Ratatouille" See more. Once again I humiliate myself by assuming I'm a member of this family. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Come on, you'll have fun. You can invite Spence, and we'll buy you something from St. Arthur Spooner: You think you can buy me off with some ap island trinket, a linen shirt long?
How dare you? Doug Heffernan: [erratically caressing his stomach, his wrist watch cats something] Nipple! Doug Heffernan: I could tell you the truth, but it'd feel like a donkey kick. Doug Heffernan: Yeah, I'm going to get the Incredible Hulk a Spiderman game. Who raised you? Doug Heffernan: No, my phone's on vibrate, I left it in my pocket, and - do you have a cigarette? Stephanie Heffernan: I don't think I've ever seen so many marionettes before.
The King of Queens: Slap it High
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Yes you were! You were praying for the Jets to win! Doug Heffernan: No, no. I was praying for them to cover the spread! That's a whole other thing! Carrie Spooner Heffernan: You are such a hypocrite! You get on my back about shoes and you're praying for a football game? Arthur Spooner: Come down here and play with me, I'm tired of playing with myself. Arthur Spooner: Shame on you, Carrie. I've pushed tons of people down the stairs, but damn it, I always own up to it.
Doug Heffernan: Not so good. I had some deep tissue work done on my inner thigh while I went to my safe place. Doug Heffernan: [reading Major's story about Thanksgiving] We used to have Thanksgiving as a family. Then mommy and daddy started yelling and got a 'dwivorce'. Now we're having dinner with some white family Doug Heffernan: On ESPN, the National Spelling Bee.
There was an Indian kid with a lisp, kicking ASS! Deacon Palmer: How could you possibly think there'd be valet parking at a diner in Ohio? Doug Heffernan: We need something huge, something nice, thoughtful, sensitive, almost gay. Doug Heffernan: You're not just baiting me, like that time you told me I can get the porn channel, then said I disgust you?
Carrie Heffernan: Well, you just start a nasty rumor about the other girl. You know? Doug Heffernan: If it's about being out of mini-donuts, I'm aware, and I am not happy. Carrie Heffernan: I think it's going to happen. I'm actually going to kill you this time. Doug Heffernan: Alright, I gotta take a little bathroom break. Who wants to watch the truck? Carrie Heffernan: And you guys are okay with this? I mean, you want her to be the mom and not me?
Doug Heffernan: You see, it's not about me. It's really about what's best for the company, the team. There is no "I" in IPS. Doug Heffernan: Well, you know, it is I try everything I can not to fight. It's like I tell my boys. Always be nice. Be very nice. Until it's time to not be nice. be very not nice. Doug Heffernan: Yeah, I can't take full credit though. Patrick Swayze said it at Road House. Doug Heffernan: You never saw it? It's only the greatest movie ever made except for Risky Business. Doug Heffernan: I guess it reminds me of a simpler time in my life, you know?
A time when I didn't have to worry about payin' bills or goin' after that big promotion. Doug Heffernan: [Carrie is making Doug pancakes for breakfast before he goes to work].
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Wait a minute how are you gonna eat pancakes, drink coffee and drive? Doug Heffernan: I've eaten wonton soup driving through San Francisco on a motorcycle. I think I can handle a couple of flapjacks. Doug Heffernan: [after leaving Deacon's apartment where a smoking-hot stewardess is waiting, to Deacon, imitating hypnotist] We never were here. The last five minutes never happened.
Carrie Heffernan: Hey! I know I have to die someday, but I'm gonna be really pissed off if it's today because of this! Spence Olchin: How do you think it's going? I stand all day on the sidewalk carrying this.
Danny Heffernan: Yeah, well, at least no one's peeing on you like when you worked in the subway. Carrie Heffernan: Doug, I don't understand. You eat fast food two, three times a week. It never occurred to you that animals are involved? Doug Heffernan: Because they don't make it look like an animal! They're very clever that way. Kaufman: My wife thinks 1, pages is too long for a book. Sometimes I forget she is only Carrie Heffernan: I got to be honest with you dad, okay?
Your date looked like a pro. Doug: Well, I think you look great, Arthur. I like the way the purple brings out the veins in your legs. Doug Heffernan: [on if his aunt and Arthur had a kid] That would mean he'd be both my cousin and my brother-in-law. Oh, God, I hear banjo music. Arthur Spooner: [watching his house burn down] I wonder if it's too late to buy insurance?
Arthur Spooner: I'm 75 years old, and I still wake up with the little guy saluting. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: The last time Tessie left you alone for two minutes, she found you shingling the roof with no pants and no shingles.
Doug Heffernan: [to Sarah] And no more soapy shower silhouettes getting me all hot when I'm trying to shave. Spence Olchin: Where do you want to go for dinner?
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Can I talk you into Ethiopian? Doug Heffernan: [Doug and Deacon are watching a Pole Dancing class at the gym] I don't know if Carrie will do that. Do you think you could talk Kelly into something like that? Carrie Heffernan: Well, I took some at a Metallica concert once - woke up the next day at the parking lot of a Waldbaum's. Doug Heffernan: And to you! It took me two whole dates to go where you're about to go. Lou Ferrigno: Arthur borrowed 0 dollar from me and he said he'd pay me back today.
Doug Heffernan: Now we know. When Lou drinks a little tequila, he starts lifting people over his head. Doug Heffernan: At our wedding we had about guests; eleven years later we have six. So you might wanna pull your attitude back a little. Carrie Heffernan: Dad, I told you, if you want a grilled ese sandwich, I will make you one!
Carrie Heffernan: Sure! I'll be in an iron lung, you'll be in a wheelchair. Hey, you know what, maybe we can chip in and get a helper monkey!
Arthur Spooner: What?
The King of Queens cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more S0E07 Directed by Rob Schiller. With Kevin James, Leah Remini, Victor Williams, Patton Oswalt. While at an art gallery, Carrie bumps into a woman and they start talking. It turns out to be an ex of Doug
Three people can't play golf together? It's not sex, for God's sake! Doug Heffernan: [imitating Richie] Hey, Ray, can you do me a favor? Can you hook me up with one of the models in the underwear ad? Ehh, I'm trying to swing! Doug Heffernan: It's Ray Barone. He wants to know if his mother can drop him off here. Arthur Spooner: So? You tie the ends together and they're as good as new, Mrs. Richie Iannucci: Listen, Moose. Thanks again for telling me. I'm sorry I threw up on you.
Arthur Spooner: Paralegal, huh? Ah, I respect those people. No feeling from the waist down and they still practice law. God bless 'em. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [after Arthur asks why Spence is seating in his seat at breakfast] Spence moved out of his mom's house last night, so he's going to stay with us until he gets a place of his own. Arthur Spooner: Oh, I see. I must have missed the family meeting where all of this was decided. Arthur Spooner: In all the jobs I ever had, I never kowtowed to the bosses.
I spoke my mind! Carrie Heffernan: Which is why you have no pension, no benefits and you live in our basement. Richie Iannucci: [Beeper goes off] Oh, it's my beeper. Ah, large fire. I need to go. Richie Iannucci: [Talks to Veronica Olchin] There's a large fire, so uhh I need to go, bye. Veronica Olchin: Let's dance! Carrie Heffernan: Did you ever have a friend whose life sucked so bad it made you feel better about your own?
Spence Olchin: [to Doug's mother] Excuse me, Mrs. Heffernan; can I use the restroom? Spence Olchin: Wait a minute; first, I didn't know you were home that day, second, Victoria Principal was on the cover of the new 'People' and third, what kind of man owns a hardware store and doesn't put locks on the bathroom door? Arthur Spooner: I have something to show you, vis-a-vis our conversation the other day.
Arthur Spooner: Meet the future. The prototype of the "Arthur's" head screwdriver. Arthur Spooner: I fashioned it from an old typewriter key. You see, the letter "A" on the screwdriver will fit into the corresponding "A" hole in the "Arthur's" screw.
Arthur Spooner: So, uh, how many units would be an appropriate first order for an item of this magnitude? Arthur Spooner: Really?
My heart's beatin' like a rabbit.
We'll be in touch. Arthur Spooner: [Arthur walks out of the hardware store, raises his left arm and head upward] Ya-ha! Carrie Spooner Heffernan: [looking at online pictures of a grill company webpage] So, where is the grill?
Doug Heffernan: [about their wives' so revered gynecologist] So, what is special about this doctor? Deacon Palmer: I don't know He is gentle, suave Adam West: If you ran into Bill Shatner this morning, would you have dumped me too? Adam West: This is why me, Lou, Bill, and Lee Majors look out for each other. To protect ourselves from pasty-faced opportunists such as yourself. Spence Olchin: Yeah, Fantasy Fest '05 is a geekfest.
That's why different hobbits are showing up. Arthur Spooner: I would like a live parrot and name him Douglass II. Actually, I should scrape what's left of Douglass I off the garage door.
Carrie Heffernan: Ok Doug, you know what? This year I don't want a Christmas present. All I want is for you to stop acting like a big baby and grow up.
Carrie Heffernan: Really? How come you didn't do anything to that banker who asked me out to dinner last week?
The King of Queens is an American sitcom that originally ran on CBS from September 21, , to May 14, , for a total of nine seasons and episodes. The series was created by Michael J. Weithorn and David Litt, who also served as the show's executive producer. The series stars Kevin James and Leah Remini as Doug and Carrie Heffernan, respectively, a working class couple living in Rego The King of Queens is an American sitcom television series that originally ran on CBS from September 21, , to May 14, , for a total of nine seasons and episodes. The series was created by Michael J. Weithorn and David Litt, who also served as the show's executive producer. The series stars Kevin James and Leah Remini as Doug and Carrie Heffernan, respectively, a working-class Nicole Sullivan, Actress: Black-ish. -Grew up doing theater in NYC -Studied at Northwestern University. -Her career started in , when she was cast on MADtv for 6 seasons. -Cast member of The King of Queens for 5 seasons, playing opposite Jerry Stiller. Enjoys working in TV. -Recurs on ABC's Black-ish Sex Lives of College Kids, and Bob Hearts Abishola
Spence Olchin: You called me 10 minutes ago and told me to be here in 10 minutes. Doug Heffernan: Our peice of crap car broke down right in the middle of the crap crappity crap crap thing! Carrie Heffernan: If I put my mind to it, I can mash, shuck, and jive and all that, don't you think? Doug Heffernan: Just a long weekend with nothing to do except the three F's: food, football, and Carrie Heffernan: They said they had to go bird shopping.
Who goes bird shopping on a Saturday night? Who goes bird shopping? Doug Heffernan: Every pile of nachos has one main chip that holds the whole thing together the nucleus. You don't take the nucleus, you work around it. You honor it. Carrie Heffernan: Did you lift up your shirt and make Peter and Ellen touch your belly hair?
Doug Heffernan: Yeah, and then I threw on a G-string and gave them a little lap dance, yeah! Doug Heffernan: [lifting up his shirt and rubbing his stomach] Is this a lot of hair right here, seriously? I mean, a lot of people say I'm hairy, but I don't think I'm hairy enough Arthur Spooner: [as he gets out of a hot tub, naked] It's called gravity, Douglas, and it's coming for ya.
Carrie Heffernan: [on the engagement ring] You really fell ass-backward into somethin', didn't you, hon? Doug Heffernan: We're putting this money in the bank for our kids' college. Well, right after we get the hot tub and the satellite dish but then, it's going straight to the bank.
Doug Heffernan: [Doug and Carrie gain confidence to join Deacon and Kelly who are on a double date with "their" friends] We've got "Heffer-vescence". Abby Shropshire: Actually, I was just telling these guys that Marc and I have definitely decided to have a baby.
Doug Heffernan: You wanna hear something weird? Uh, Carrie and I have decided to have one, too. Carrie Heffernan: I don't know. Didn't you once tell me you ate the feed they have at petting zoos? Deacon Palmer: Listen, I love you and I believe in you. If you can dream it, you can do it. But when I look in her eyes I see you dead.
Joanne: If you want to order something else, tell me and I'll get it for you. Okay, sir? Doug Heffernan: I was telling my friend he had a bee on his watch.
It's gone now. Joanne: So now you guys are messing with me? You wanna go? I'll go right now. Arthur Spooner: We have nothing to fear but fear itself It was the best of times, it was the worst of times Carrie Heffernan: Yes, I know.
I'm reminded every time I look at your payck. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Great- I feel happy, healthy, and more alive. How was sitting on the couch rotting? Doug Heffernan: [ENTERING HOSPITAL ROOM HOLDING "WORD SEARCH" BOOK, TO COMATOSE CO-WORKER] "Hey, I brought you a crossword puzzle book. Deacon Palmer: You know, I don't like lying to my wife. Doesn't make me feel too good.
Doug Heffernan: [mocking in a wimpy voice] Oh, I don't like lying to my wife. Lying makes my tummy a. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe. If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
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The King of Queens is an American sitcom that originally ran on CBS from September 21,to May 14,for a total of nine seasons and episodes. The series was created by Michael J. Weithorn and David Litt, who also served as the show's executive producer. The series stars Kevin James and Leah Remini as Doug and Carrie Heffernan, respectively, a working class couple living in Rego Park, Queens, New York. The King of Queens was produced by Hanley Productions and CBS Productions -CBS Paramount Network Televisionin association with Columbia TriStar Television -and Sony Pictures Television - It was filmed at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City, California.
The ninth and final season began airing on December 6,and concluded on May 14,with a double-length finale episode, making The King of Queens the last American live action sitcom that premiered in the s to end its run. In MayKevin James and Leah Remini reunited in the television sitcom Kevin Can Wait. The show ended on May 7, The King of Queens Screenplay Edit Buy.
Year: 1, Views. Doug Heffernan: Friends just keep you away from TV. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Hasn't anyone said you look like someone? Doug Heffernan: Oh, you mean like every famous fat guy in every movie ever?
Spence Olchin: Oh my God! My TiVo thinks I'm gay! Deacon Palmer: Douglas S. whats your second name? Doug Heffernan: Steven. And yours?
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Deacon Palmer: John. Doug Heffernan: Son of a mother! Doug Heffernan: My name might as well be Fatty McButterpants. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: What movie do you want to see? Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Oh, yeah Arthur Spooner: Darling, I need to borrow the iron.
Arthur Spooner: Why can't you be more like Rain Man? Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Dad, Doug and I were just thinking Doug Heffernan: Let's see how the waffles go and see what happens. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Is this how you take a bath? Spence Olchin: Yes. Carrie Spooner Heffernan: You look like Ernie from Sesame Street.
Spence Olchin: What did I do to you? Doug Heffernan: No longer being Mastercard's bitch? Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, we did annihilate two of their cities. Arthur Spooner: True enough. Mystery solved. Doug Heffernan: Hello. Why did he call me neighbour? Doug Heffernan: How freezing? Doug Heffernan: Okay, we don't own anything close to that. Arthur Spooner: What's going on? Arthur Spooner: She ats? That little girl? That's impossible.
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Doug Heffernan: Arthur, I've seen her do it. Joe Heffernan: You're out of your mind! Arthur Spooner: I've never been more in my mind!
Arthur Spooner: Nobody squeals like Ned Beatty! I'm fatter than the Skipper. See more episodes.
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Edit Cast Series cast summary: Kevin James Carrie Heffernan episodes, Jerry Stiller Arthur Spooner episodes, Victor Williams Spence Olchin episodes, Gary Valentine Edit Storyline Three's definitely a crowd for parcel post deliveryman Doug Heffernan Kevin Jameswhose newly widowed father-in-law, Arthur Jerry Stillerhas moved in with him and his wife, Carrie Leah Remini.
Plot Keywords: husband wife relationship jealousy marriage queens new york city father in law son in law relationship See All 57. Taglines: Meet a household legend in his own mind. See more.
Genres: Comedy. Certificate: TV-PG See all certifications. Parents Guide: View content advisory. Edit Did You Know? Trivia Doug's birthday is February 9, Goofs In one episode, Doug indicates that his birthday is February 9, In another episode, Doug states that he is a Pisces. If his birthday was February 9, Doug would be an Aquarius, not a Pisces.
Quotes Arthur Spooner : You know, we're quite a team.